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My body was acting on its own, without my mind, which was making me afraid. ‘Mmmm… what a show!’ smiled Derek at Jacob and I. Suddenly I panicked, ‘I can’t do this let me go.’ Jacob stopped paying attention to my nipples, and wrapped his arms around me, under my boobs, holding me still. ‘Sshhhh, it’s ok Eva. What’s wrong? Talk to us baby, it’s okay, I promise,’ Jacob whispered in my ear. I was still afraid, but slowly calmed down from the gentle voices of Jacob and Derek. Before I know it, I start telling them my reason for freaking out. ‘I’m sorry… I just…it’s well, it’s me. I can’t,’ I start stammering, but before I can continue, Derek interrupts me. ‘Is this because of the scars?’ he asks. I start to shake. They saw the scars, my scars. The scars I hate so much. Oh my god, I can’t breathe. ‘Hey, hey Eva, calm down. Breathe in then out. Nice deep breaths,’ Jacob coaches me, ‘in…out…in…out,’ and soon my breathing comes back to normal, but I can’t seem to stop the tears from. It was the mother's idea....thedaughter is dying of a still-incurable genetic disease. I still rememberlooking her right in the eye when I first met her two weeks ago, and saying,"You understand, this is a death sentence for you?"She nodded, and said quietly, "I'd do anything to save my little girl'slife...giving up my own is not too great a sacrifice." The daughter, ofcourse, didn't want her mother to do it; but she finally gave in to herinsistent pleas.They were both so lovely, tall, blonde, curvy...they really look more likeolder sister/younger sister than mother and daughter. I think the mother isquietly resigned to her fate, but the daughter is going to have a lot to copewith; suddenly losing her twenties, and being an adult, soon to be alone inthe world. But she's strong; I think she's going to be okay.The last thing she said to me as they were leaving...the one that really gotto me...was, "I'm going to be OK. I want to be, and I have to be. Since mom'snot going to get to live.
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